Well, it's done -- 9 installments -- if there are any readers, I hope you have followed it from the beginning (about a month ago, as I recall) or will go back and start there.

I really want comments and suggestions for improvement.

I can't read the whole thing through myself at the moment.

I hope someone will.

True autumn came very quickly, once the equinox was past.  The winds blew down from the north, where the snows had likely already hurried the Telmi back to their southern settlements, and though they brought only bitter rain to Essin, the fall weather, coming with its longer nights, seemed to make the city and the castle complex draw in upon themselves and huddle closer to the hills. There were still some days that were bright with sun in a deep blue sky, and it was gratifying when they came on the weekly holiday. One such morning dawned to find Timu still asleep in Rilsa’s bed.  With Karula still absent on the estate, she had taken to dismissing the servants and allowing them to stay away till midday on the one night of the week when she knew that Timu could stay till morning, without any classes or work to attend to.  It was plausible, she considered, with only her in the household, that they should enjoy a little extra time for recreation.  This expedient allowed her and Timu to spend the night in as much sport as they wished, without fear of discovery or need to wake from a brief sleep to a hurried parting.

            So she woke him on this brilliant morning with caresses that he turned to willingly. In the bright light of day she was even more beautiful than in the blue dimness of moonlight or the soft glow of candles – and there was something deliciously wanton about being able to see her features so clearly when she reached the ultimate transport of pleasure.  Her lips quivered, and her brow knit in an expression that was almost like one of pain, and she kept her eyes open, and fixed on his – now, as she hovered trembling over him, holding back from kissing him, and he felt the soft weight of her breasts against his chest – now, with the shuddering beginning deep inside her and calling forth his own spasm – now, when she called out his name – now – this was his Rilsa. 

            Their mouths melted together for a minute, and then they both turned their faces away from each other a little and sighed.

            “How can you make me so happy?”  Rilsa murmured in Timu’s ear.  He could only grunt in response.  He had no idea how.  A few months ago he had been a grubby school boy that no girl would look at twice – except for Aulia.

            Aulia.  Timu sat up, propped on his elbows, letting the weight of Rilsa’s spent body slip off him.  “What time is it?” he asked her abruptly.

            Rilsa groaned softly.  “I suppose it is near midday.  I know you have to go.”

            “I do.”  And not just because of the servants.  Timu would not permit himself to disappoint Aulia.  He knew his parents were disappointed in him, once again, and other than Elian, Aulia was the only person who had ever really cared about him.  What she thought of him really mattered, somehow.  As he pulled his trousers halfway up his legs, and then pulled on his boots, he looked back at Rilsa where she lay pouting a little on the pillows.  He leaned over to kiss her.

            “These longer nights are delightful – you really are very clever to arrange them,” he complimented her in compensation for leaving her.  She sat up and began to try to sort out her hair a little.

            “Well, it would not do for us to be always together anyway.  We should soon tire of each other.”

            Another grunt seemed the only possible answer as he stood and pulled up his trousers. He didn’t really believe as she did on this subject, but he had no wish to dispute with her and cause a quarrel.  They had little enough time together as it was – why waste it in an argument?  They had never argued about anything – only laughed and given each other pleasure.  And so maybe she was right.  Maybe frequent partings kept them on these happy terms after all.

            “Then I will stay away tonight,” he said, to tease her, as he pulled on his shirt.

            “You do, and the next time you will find the window locked, and a cold journey home across the rooftops.”  She got up on her knees upon the rumpled bed and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him firmly, and he gathered her close in his arms, one across her back and one beneath her thighs so that she could wrap her legs around  him for a moment.  She threw herself back onto the bed at last, laughing.  “Go – go – before I decide to keep you here forever.” And he gathered up his jacket and his sword belt, and left, quite boldly, through the front door of the apartment.

 

            The midday bells were just beginning to ring when Timu reached the library courtyard, and he saw Aulia at once, sitting sideways on a bench in the sunlight with her knees bent up and a book propped on them.  She was not reading however, but gazing up into the clear blue sky and breathing deeply.  Even when he came to stand beside her she took no notice of him, and he realized that she was engaged in some serious mind-work.  He sat down on the ground beside the bench quietly, and awaited her return to her surroundings.  It came in a few minutes, with the gradual lightening of her breathing, and a few indistinctly murmured words on her lips.  Then she was with him, and took notice of him, and she gave him a warm smile.

            “I was communicating with a friend of mine,” she told him.  Her grey-blue eyes were shining more brightly than Timu had ever seen them, and there was a calm radiance in her expression that made him strangely happy.  She was a funny little girl – so friendly, but at the same time so secretive – almost mysterious.  She was certainly a good friend to him – really the only friend he had, he realized.

            “Let us stay out here to study,” he proposed.  “I would just be likely to fall asleep inside that silent, stuffy building.”

            “You are still studying too hard –”  Aulia began to scold him.

            “No, I am not – I swear it.  Paalo keeps me working late, sometimes – that is why I tire easily.  I would like to stretch out on the grass right now, in fact – I promise I will stay awake – but I need to be comfortable.”

            So they moved to a sunny patch of lawn, and Timu lay down on his stomach with his well-marked Telmi grammar open on the ground before him, while Aulia sat rather primly at his side.  They began to work their way through a little conversation that Elian had composed for practice in the use of various verb tenses.  It concerned how many deer a fellow had in his herd this year as compared with other years, and how many he hoped to have the spring following – the subject made it seem a little stilted, and after a few exchanges, they both began to laugh at themselves and each other.  When their laughter subsided, Timu put his head down on his book, and Aulia was silent for a time.  His eyes were turned away from her, and she allowed herself to simply look at him. 

            She cared for him so much.  He always seemed to be so lonely – and though now he talked and joked with other students, and was cordial with his teachers, the loneliness did not really seem diminished, except, she let herself think, when he was with her.  He must really like her, for some reason.  Maybe it was just because she had helped him with his studies, but she thought, she dared to think, it might be more than that.

            He was cordial with Magus Paalo, too, she reflected.  How in heaven’s name did he do it? He was a Maarinen, a real son of his great family, even if he had been a little disappointing to them before now.  It must be torture for him to work so closely with that awful man.  But it would be good for his career, and if he could advance rapidly in the service, then he might be able to do some good for his family’s interests.  That must be what kept him going.

            Timu’s snores broke in on Aulia’s reverie, and she sighed.  He was working himself too hard – she should let him sleep awhile – but she would stay.  If she left him alone out here on the lawn, some idiot like Loumi might come by and play some prank on him. Very gently she moved the book from underneath Timu’s cheek, and took up the conversation by herself, reading both parts in a whisper.

            After a while Aulia felt she had the conversation memorized, and she leaned back to repeat it to herself without looking in the book, and as she did she heard Timu mutter something in his sleep.  He seemed a bit distressed, she thought.  A bad dream brought on by nervous tension, maybe.  Timu groaned, and his limbs twitched a little, then the muttering began again, a little more distinctly, so that Aulia could almost make out what he was saying. 

            It was a great temptation.  She wanted very much to know what might be going through his mind – he usually kept it so well shielded.  Finally she could resist no longer, and she deliberately sent her thoughts to explore and uncover his.

            It was easy to enter his mind now, while he was sleeping.  She felt the shape of it – it was familiar – a perfect reflection of the character he had always presented to her – earnestness mingled with rebellion and a little conceit – and a measure of self-doubt, of course.  Finding herself comfortable with the form of his mind, Aulia allowed herself to seek out individual thoughts within it.  There were thoughts of Magus Paalo – nothing but contempt there, as she would expect. And there were thoughts of his sister, Elian – very touching thoughts of love and admiration, and a tremendous desire to please.  And thoughts of her – yes, friendly thoughts – and curiosity about her, and again admiration – and something that he was concealing, even now, while he slept.  What was it? 

            Aulia sent her perceptions deeper into Timu’s mind.  There was something that had to do with her that he kept as a deep secret – how to reach it?  There – was that it? – it was a secret that he kept from her, not about her – but she could not quite make it reveal itself.

            A little deeper – she would have it in a moment – there it was – do not let Aulia know – Rilsa –

            Aulia gave a gasp that was almost a little scream, and pulled her mind back abruptly from its link with Timu’s.  She felt dizzy, and, panting, she bent her head down to the grass in front of her.  That woman – what he had done with her – what he was doing – he was – he was Rilsa Karula’s lover.

            Anger and shame swept Aulia’s dizziness from her, and she jumped to her feet and began to walk away, seeing nothing of her surroundings, forgetting her satchel on the grass beside Timu where he still lay sleeping and muttering what Aulia now knew was Rilsa’s name.  When she came to the bench where she had waited for Timu she stopped and blindly sat down on it.  That was why he was so tired – he spent almost every night with Rilsa Karula, making love – they called it that, but they were just like a pair of animals.  She had seen it in his thoughts.  It was shameful. And this must be the reason for his appointment to Magus Paalo's office too -- he was no better than a whore.  How could he do it?  How could he seem to be what he seemed to be, and be that too?  How could she care about him, when he wasted himself on that?  How could he do it?

            Aulia at last persuaded herself to breath more deeply.  She realized that she had been crying, and she fished in the pocket of her skirt for her handkerchief.  After wiping her eyes and blowing her nose she felt a little better – or at least a little less miserable.  But she was still angry, and she no longer cared if Loumi came along and did all manner of stupid things to Timu.  She went quietly back to where she had left him, being very careful not to look at him, snatched up her satchel, and ran off toward the Service Hall arcade, her heart pounding and her throat choked with shame and regret.  She would never be able to face him again, she knew that much for certain.

            When Timu woke up, the sun was low and he was chilled, and his book was open on the grass a few feet away from him, its pages ruffling back and forth in the breeze.  And where is Aulia? he wondered.   Why hadn’t she woken him before this, before leaving?  He sat up and rubbed his face, then ran his hands through his hair.  A nap like that was almost worse than not sleeping.  He had had some uncomfortable dreams too – dreams that someone had discovered all his secrets, and that he was entirely alone, and vaguely threatened.  Oh well.  It would soon be time for supper.  And then the sun would set.  And night would come.  And then he would be with Rilsa.

 

            The constant round of classes, work, study, Rilsa, over and over – there was the pleasure of accomplishment in some of it – and of course the pleasure of his lover’s attentions and cheerful company – but Timu was beginning to feel stretched, and often anxious.  And Aulia was avoiding him.  He saw her occasionally in the corridors at school, but she always hurried past him without looking at him.  If he saw her in the dining hall and made a move to come to her, she got up from her unfinished meal and turned her back and left the room.  If he saw her in the exercise yard, she kept moving, putting others in their way, seeking out classmates for conversation.  What had happened to her?  She had been almost a pest before, and now she treated him like he had some horrible disease that she was afraid of catching.  One way or another, he would get her to stop and speak to him, and tell him what was happening.

            The chance came unexpectedly, one day as he labored in Paalo’s office over establishing a three-way link with some remarkably ungifted diplomats on mission in Ravella, Xanthia, and Albrahar.  He had been linked quite well with each of them separately, but they were astonishingly clumsy in their attempts to link their minds with one another, and it was urgent that they do so – it would cut the amount of time he spent communicating with each of them tremendously, and they were in positions that required almost daily contact.  Finally he gave up in disgust, but presenting a surface of the greatest courtesy, telling them in turn that the difficulty was with him, and his tiredness.  They would try again tomorrow.  After forcing himself through a basic calming exercise, which had very little effect, in fact, he went out into the main Operations office to see if there were any urgent messages to be communicated. And there was Aulia, standing before the desk of one of the Operations clerks, watching him as he wrote something on a sheet of paper.  She was watching the man like a hawk, in fact, with her arms folded, and tapping the toe of her shoe on the floor in agitation.  Timu knew that she had not yet seen him.

            He went carefully around the room, shielding himself with busy clerks, as if he were circling down wind of some forest creature that he wished to study, until he was behind her, and just as the clerk had finished blotting the paper and was handing it to her, he stepped forward and took her by the elbow.

            “Lady Aulia Taarko – I am so glad to run into you,” he said cheerfully.

            She jumped when she felt his touch and heard his voice, and answered icily.  “Lord Maarinen.”

            “You must talk to me,” he said in a low voice as he steered her to the office door.  She shrugged her shoulders, as though to shake him off, but he kept his hand firmly on her arm until they were in the corridor and he had closed the door behind them.  Then he gently backed her against the wall, and leaned his arm on it above her.

            “You must tell me what is wrong – why have you been avoiding me?” 

            She shook her head and ducked, trying to dart away, but he grasped her arm before she could get past him.

            “Let me go!” she hissed. “Take your hand off me!”

            “Aulia!  What is it?”  He backed her against the wall again, and in such desperation that he did it much too roughly. She gave a little scream that was as soft as a moan, and he saw that she was beginning to cry.  He tried to scan her mind, but it was shielded not only purposely, but by her intense emotions: fear and disgust – and sorrow.  He could make nothing of the content of her thoughts.

            “If you do not tell me, I will probe your mind.” It was a threat, and a cruel one, but this was intolerable.

            Timu fixed his eyes on her where she stood, almost cowering against the wall, and saw her lowered face turn first bright red, then ashen.  Finally she whispered, “Rilsa.”

            Timu released the breath he had been holding with a snort of laughter and stepped back.

            “So, you have heard the rumors too.”

            Aulia looked up at him with a look of plain disbelief on her face.  “Rumors?  I know no rumors.  I know your thoughts – from the afternoon you fell asleep in front of the library.”  She slumped a little where she stood.  “I know the truth.”

            It took a moment for her whole meaning to come to Timu.  Then his mind raced desperately.  What could he tell her? – that she had scanned one of his dreams – he could not help his dreams – he was not a little boy, and men dreamed of such things – it didn’t make it real.

            But he knew it wouldn’t work.  She knew the truth.  She knew him very well – she always had, and he could not hide what he had done, what he was doing – and he could not explain it to her either.  He hung his head and stepped back from her, and she slipped away and ran from him, down the corridor and out the nearest door to another hallway.  Timu knew that now Aulia hated him. There was no one left – except Rilsa.

 

            When he went to her that night he could not conceal his desolation.  She wondered if he were ill – she felt his forehead – she brought him wine – she kissed him in all his favorite places, until at last he sighed and told her, “I have lost the only friend I ever had – apart from you and Elian.”

            “And who is this friend?”  Rilsa settled herself on the bed facing him, and began to rub his shoulders.

            “A girl I study with – Aulia Taarko.”

            “A girl,”  Rilsa nodded wisely.  “She found out about me, and she is jealous.”

            Timu shook his head.  “It is not like that.  She is only fifteen or so – a little girl – there was never anything like that –”

            “I will remind you that I was fifteen when I took my first lover,” Rilsa said softly.

            “Aulia is different.  She would not even go riding alone with me – that is how reserved she is –”

            “But that does not mean that she cannot be in love with you.  A chaste love can be the most powerful – or so I am told.  I have never wished to try it, however.  It is too bad that you cannot explain to her, somehow, that there is nothing to be jealous of.  I make no claim to your heart, after all – do I?”  Timu looked up into her eyes for the first time that evening, and finally the feelings he expected in Rilsa’s presence rushed through him.  That was exactly the thing that had turned Aulia against him, he realized – the way his need for Rilsa resided entirely in his body.  It disgusted her.  It did not disgust him however, or Rilsa.  Yes, it was too bad that Aulia did not understand it.  Maybe when she was a little older it would happen to her, however, and then she would understand, and feel a little sorry for having been so harsh with him.  And in the meantime, if she withdrew her friendship, he would find other consolations.

            “Timu?”  He realized that Rilsa was still looking at him, and was looking a little worried.  He leaned his head upon her shoulder.

            “I am so tired, Rilsa – so tired.”

            She folded her arms around him, and pulled him down onto the pillows, then pulled the covers up around them. “Tonight, my darling, I will let you sleep.”

           

            Timu slept so soundly that night, and still seemed so tired when she woke him before the first light of morning, that Rilsa herself insisted that he stay away for awhile, until the end of the week, when they might have a full and peaceful night together.

            And the rest did him good, they both knew when he returned to her.  She answered his knock on the front door in her blue dressing gown, with her hair down already, and before they’d reached the bed chamber he was free of all his clothing except his trousers, and they went from one pleasure to another almost without resting.  When the second watch of the night could be heard ringing from the castle they finally put a little distance between themselves, and spent some minutes in silence, gazing up at the bed’s carven canopy, and eventually began a lazy conversation.

            In some ways moments like these were the best he spent with Rilsa, Timu reflected.  At least they were a necessary contrast.  It would be impossible to remain constantly at the pitch of passion that she so easily aroused in him.  A fellow needed time to think, and talk, and eat, and things of that sort, not just stimulation.

            “And how are things going with Paalo?” Rilsa was asking.  “Do you like your post?”

            Timu had just finished eating an apple, and he thoughtfully examined his teeth with his tongue for fragments of its flesh before responding.  Rilsa was lying back lazily on the pillows of the rumpled bed, with her arms lifted, idly twisting locks of her hair into loose braids and untwisting them again.  She turned her eyes to Timu’s face when he began speaking; he still felt a thrill in the pit of his stomach whenever she looked at him suddenly like that, but now, in a way, he was used to it.  It could always be eased by touching her, so he reached out and caressed her flat belly as he spoke.       

            “He keeps me busy.  I have had to establish secure links with all of our missioners, first of all, and with most of our active operatives here in Essin.  And everyday there are many communications.  It is not difficult.”  He suppressed a yawn.  Not difficult, but the hours were long, and he was beginning to think his studies might suffer – they were just review, but it was something that he needed, after all those years as the most idle student in the school.  He didn’t want Rilsa to know that he was still tired, however – she might think that they should sacrifice some of their time together, and that was something he needed too, more badly than he would want her to know.

            Rilsa grasped his hand as it passed over her skin and raised it to her lips and kissed it.  “You are so sweet in the way you touch me,” she murmured.  “I feel I am your horse, and you are stroking me to soothe me before mounting.”

            “Oh, Rilsa –” Timu groaned at the ease with which she turned his thoughts entirely to the attainment of their pleasure, and willingly submitted as she pulled him over to her.  He was on the point of losing his thoughts as completely in her little smile as he was losing his body in her warm softness, when they both jumped at the sound of an exasperated shout followed by a pounding they knew was on the outer door of the apartment.

            “It is Karula – damn him – what is he doing back here?” Rilsa was out from under Timu and out of the bed in one quick movement.  They could both hear Lord Karula’s voice, a little muffled, as Rilsa searched the bed-clothes for her dressing gown, and Timu sat among the sheets in stunned silence.

            “Where is my footman – why is my own door locked against me?  Rilsa! Rilsa!”             

            Rilsa had found the gown, and now was rummaging in a desk drawer for something – her keys – she raised them in triumph.  “Stay here – get dressed – I will delay him until you have gone – hurry!”  And she rushed from the room, taking time only to scoop up Timu's clothing from the floor of the corridor where they had left it, running back to toss it to him, and then locking the chamber door behind her.

            “I am coming – please, dear, stop that shouting – I am coming!”

            Timu did begin to dress, though he felt it would be humiliating to run away and leave her to her husband.  It would scarcely be better to be confronted by him in her bedchamber, however.  He wasn’t frightened – it was the embarrassment. As he dressed he listened at the door to hear what they were saying.  Lord Karula had lowered his voice as soon as Rilsa unlocked the front door, apparently, but she was keeping her own voice quite audible, for Timu’s benefit as he supposed.

            “Torvo’s mother was ill – I had to let him go to her – and that is why I locked the door – it was unattended.  I was not expecting your return, dear.”  Her voice was getting nearer – they were coming down the corridor.

            “As I thought – most unlike you to be so unaware, Rilsa.”

            Timu had gotten as far as pulling on his boots when the handle of the door rattled, and he hopped back awkwardly on one foot, barely saving himself from falling.

            “And why lock your bedchamber?”

            “It is my room – I may lock it if I choose.  You have no right to enter, unless I invite you.”

            “I have the rights of a husband.” Lord Karula’s voice was rising again.  Timu pulled his jacket on over his loose shirt and buckled on his sword belt, still desperately listening.

            “I suppose you feel you do – though you fulfill few of the duties.”

            Silence.  Then the distinctive sound of a slap and a loud gasp from Rilsa, and then her laughter. “What was the point of that, my lord?” Timu heard her ask as he hurried to the window.

            She had laughed, but he would not permit the brute to treat her roughly.  Light spilled from the sitting room onto the terrace.  Timu leapt over the stone balustrade.  The glass doors were closed, but not latched, and as Timu pushed through them and ran through the sitting room into the corridor he could hear Lord Karula’s voice rising again.

            “I heard the gossip among our neighbors, Rilsa – it has spread even to the country – I cannot permit an open scandal –” Lord Karula harangued his wife, advancing on her as she backed away.  Timu put his hand on his sword and paused for a moment to be sure Karula was armed – then he drew it.

            At the slight ringing sound the blade made leaving its scabbard Lord Karula looked up and over Rilsa’s shoulder, and she turned.

            “No, Timu –” she gasped, stepping toward him, but her husband grasped her arm to stop her, and put his other hand on the hilt of his own weapon.

            “Do not touch her,” Timu said as firmly as he could, advancing, prepared to strike the first blow should Karula draw his blade.

            “Timu, put that thing away!” Rilsa nearly screeched, and Lord Karula looked at her an instant, then thrust her from him, and dropped his sword hand to his side.

            “Yes,” he said wearily.  “Please, Lord Maarinen, put that thing away.” He walked away from Rilsa and past Timu, looking at neither of them. “This is not one of your twenty-verse tragic ballads.”  He went into the sitting room and took a chair.  “Come here, both of you,” he summoned them, like a father or a schoolmaster, and they obeyed, like guilty children. Timu could see the red mark of Karula’s hand on Rilsa’s cheek, and it added defiance to his guilt – a familiar mingling of feelings.  He sheathed his sword as Lord Karula regarded Rilsa coolly for a moment, then turned his eyes to Timu.

            “You looked quite dashing with your sword drawn in her defense.” Timu perceived Karula directing his thought to him. “You are a handsome boy – I really find it difficult to blame her.”

            “Sit down, Lord Maarinen,” he said aloud, indicating the chair beside him.  “Rilsa, get us some wine at least.”  And she went obediently to the side board and began to pour from the carafe, and, just as obediently, Timu found himself sitting.

            “You understand, Maarinen, that I am not surprised at this development.  I am only surprised at Rilsa’s lack of discretion – carrying on so long with one gentleman – and one who is so readily talked about both at court and in the service.”

            Rilsa handed her husband his glass, then gave one to Timu.  He sought her eyes for some instruction on how he should behave, but she kept them averted.  Her thoughts, when he scanned them, showed only that she wished to make the best of a bad situation.

            “All of Essin is talking of you,” Lord Karula continued.

            Rilsa turned on him in some annoyance.  “If you had not run off to the estate, you might be the subject of similar gossip by now –”

            “You made your move sooner, my dear,” he replied calmly. “I would not dream of fighting for him with you.”

            “Now just a moment –” Timu began.

            “Please, Maarinen,” Karula interrupted, “do not pretend to an innocence you no longer possess.  I am sure Rilsa has shared all of her complaints against me. None of that is of any moment, however.  I am not jealous in any sense.  Only angry at the scandal.”  He smiled a little at Timu’s obvious puzzled bemusement and took a sip of his wine. “I simply must insist that this affair be ended immediately.”  He turned to Rilsa where she stood at his elbow.  “Or perhaps you would like to spend the winter on the estate, my dear – alone –”

            She shuddered, then hung her head and put her hand tentatively on her husband’s shoulder.  “You are right I think: it has gone on too long.  I have been careless.  Timu –” she went to him and sank down on her knees before him, to prevent him from rising, it seemed.  “Lord Karula is right.  It will do no one any good for us to be talked about – I knew it could not go on forever – and you should be man enough by now to understand that.”

            She turned back to her husband before Timu could say anything. “But I have a condition,” she said emphatically.

            “You think you can make conditions?” Karula smirked.

            Rilsa’s face flushed and she looked down at the carpet for a moment.  “Lord Maarinen means a little more to me than all the others, and I want to be sure we do something substantial for him.”  She looked her husband in the eye again.  “He must be given his post with Paalo as a permanent position.”

            “What, now?  While he is still a student?”

            “Now.  He is fully qualified – already I know Paalo appreciates how fully – a word from you would be sufficient to insure his future.”

            They are bargaining over me, thought Timu.  As if I were a valuable piece of livestock.  They want me put to use, and kept happy, like a prize bull – but also kept out of trouble, because a bull can be dangerous.  He remembered the glass of wine in his hand, and drank it off in a few large gulps, then placed it carefully on the table at his elbow.  He had been right that this would be demeaning. He stood, ignoring the way Rilsa reached out to him, and settled his jacket around his shoulders.

            “I see you have already come to one decision.  I will leave you to decide the rest.”  He bowed to Lord Karula.

            “Please, do not be bitter, Lord Maarinen,” Karula said, turning in his chair as Timu went to the door.  “This is the way things work, if you play politics with my wife.”  Timu pretended to ignore him.

            But he could not pretend to ignore Rilsa when she got to her feet and ran out into the corridor after him. At the outer door of the apartment she threw herself into his arms, and he was surprised to discover that she was weeping.  He felt he had no choice but to hold her and stroke her tumbled hair, and kiss her wet cheeks – though he felt himself curiously unmoved.

            “I do not want to give you up – you must know that – no one has ever made me so happy – but –”

            “He is right, I know.”  Timu looked into her eyes, bluer than ever for the tears.  “I will not forget you, Rilsa.”  Then he kissed her gently and let himself out the door.         

            If it had been warmer Timu might have slept the rest of the night down at the boat slip – but in fact it was nearly time to bring the boat into storage for the winter, and the only place for him tonight was his hard little bed in the dormitory.  He went to it with resignation.  As he crawled naked between the sheets, the boy in the next bed sat up a little.

            “Home early tonight, Maarinen.  Lover’s quarrel?”

            Timu kept his head well under the covers. “Shut up, Loumi.”

 

           The next day Timu stayed in bed all morning, sleeping fitfully, and waking for occasional brief periods of vague regret and longing.  His dormitory mates gradually rose and went about their business, and only when the room was empty did he rise and dress, in his old country clothing, to go out through the back gate of the school and through the city down to the boat slip.

            The sky was white with a featureless blanket of clouds, and it was far too cold on the water for even one last excursion, so Timu set about the business of making his boat ready for the winter, carefully folding the sails and stowing them in their locker, coiling ropes neatly, and at last taking down the mast and yards and laying them in the bottom of the boat. There were a few boys of the city loitering on the docks, and Timu called a couple of them over, and paid them each a silver penny to help him carry his little vessel to the public boat house.  Then he went to one of the dockside taverns and paid a few more pennies for a lunch of bread and sausage and a tankard of ale, and listened to the talk and singing of the few sailors and dock workers gathered there out of the first of the winter weather.

            He wondered at his own absence of emotion. Of course there had been no question of being in love with Rilsa – nor of her being in love with him.  He didn’t even know what being in love meant, he admitted to himself. He knew what desire was now, however, and it still stirred in him, though he knew that he could never again satisfy it with Rilsa. He really ought to feel some sorrow.  But instead he found himself thinking about what might happen next: all of Essin was talking of him – he was easily talked about – he had a reputation.  His parents would consider it unsavory, but for himself he made no judgment – except that it occurred to him that it could prove quite useful to his work for Elian. He knew already that there were many girls who would be glad to help him maintain it – he could still obtain his pleasures, when he needed to, and he knew that sometimes he would need to.

            When Timu returned to the dormitory he was not surprised to see a message with the seal of Magus Paalo waiting for him on his desk.  He did not even bother to open it immediately. It would be the notice of his permanent appointment.

 

            Morning saw Timu in his class at the second hour, even before the bells had rung.  He attended all his classes faithfully, and made a point of engaging each of his masters in rather deep conversation on the day’s topics. After a quick luncheon he reported to Paalo’s office more than promptly, collected his stack of messages, and set about sorting them according to priority. Magus Paalo looked in on him after about an hour, when he was already half way through his communications.

            “Maarinen – hard at work I see – good fellow.”

            Timu looked up and waited a moment for some further comment. Paalo was regarding him intently, but this time Timu would permit him no entrance to his thoughts.

            “Sir, if I finish with this early, may I take the rest of the afternoon for myself?”

            Paalo granted him a smirking smile.  “Certainly, Maarinen.  A young man does need some recreation.”

            “Thank you, Magus.” And Timu turned back to the papers before him, giving the impression of having just dismissed his superior.

 

            By the seventh hour Timu was in the service school stables, saddling Taati, and finally allowing himself to think in some detail about the events of his last tryst with Rilsa and their consequences.  If he had merely run, as Rilsa had urged him, and left her to Karula, the result would have been the same, most likely, though maybe not so sudden.  She would have ended it soon anyway – and he would not have been exposed to Karula’s contempt – or any of his other objectionable regard.  But really it was best to know how matters stood, and to know that both Rilsa and her husband knew of his awareness.

            He could admit now that he would miss her.  Not just the physical pleasure, but the company and the laughter.  It was like being with a playful cat; they asked nothing of each other but amusement.  He had lost that now, and the relief it gave him.  And he had lost his friendship with Aulia, and was losing the approval of his parents.  On the other side of the balance he now had some prestige and respect of a kind as Lady Rilsa’s most durable lover: he certainly attracted the regard of a certain kind of young woman.  And he was Magus Paalo’s personal aide, a young man with a future in the service.  That was the most important gain: he had the position that Elian needed him to have.  He would have to turn that to good account, so all this would have some meaning.

            As he bridled Taati he became aware of a rustling noise from further back in the stable.

            “Hello, Timu.”  He turned.  It was a slender, dark-haired girl in fashionable riding costume – snug-fitting trousers and a wide-skirted coat with a tightly buttoned bodice – leading her little mare out of its stall.  He looked her up and down quite frankly, partly to see if she would blush. She didn’t.

            “I am sorry – do I know you?”

            “I am a friend of Aulia’s.”

            “Oh.” He felt a twinge of mental pain, but he overcame it. “A classmate of hers?”

            “Her family and mine are neighbors in the city.  We have had a few classes together, but I am older – she is so smart, half her classes are above her level these days.”

            “Yes, she is smart.”

            “She told me you are smart too, though lazy.”

            Yes, I am smart – smart enough to know what you are up to, girl.  Am I smart enough to ignore it?  Or smart enough to play along? 

            The girl was laboring to lift her horse’s saddle onto its back, bracing it with her raised knee.

            “Here, let me help you –” Timu took the saddle from her and easily put it on her little mare, then tightened the girth for her.  He patted the horse’s neck for awhile.  “What is your name?”

            “Lille.”

            “Well, Lille,” Timu stooped and tightened the girth of the saddle once more, “you must always tighten it twice – the first time most horses will blow out their bellies a bit and it might be too loose, and cause a fall.”

            “Thank you.  I did not know that.”

            “Lille – would you like to go riding with me?” Timu asked impulsively.  “You are inexperienced I think – I could give you some instruction.”  Now a winning smile – which Lille returned with an apparently shy smile of her own.

            “I would like that, Timu.”

            Timu held her horse for her to mount, and she wiggled herself a little as she settled in the saddle, looking down at him from beneath her dark eyelashes, smiling again, more boldly.  Timu suppressed a sigh.  Would it always be this easy?

 

           

Rilsa had to allow Timu to sleep eventually.  She knew he worked hard all day at his studies, and he would have to rise before dawn to return to his dormitory.  But sleep was impossible for her now, in her moment of triumph. It was the first real triumph of her life – she had never before been resisted in the slightest.  And Timu was her first virgin.  It was incredibly gratifying, more than she had even imagined.  He did everything she asked compliantly, and ably, and responded with such undisguised pleasure to everything she did. And he was so beautiful, though he didn’t seem to know it – an almost pretty face, but a man’s body, well-developed – in every way.  Rilsa smiled: this would have to be spun out as long as possible.  Perhaps Karula would remain on the estate until the harvest was completed.

            Timu slept like a child in her arms until the pigeons in the eaves began calling to each other, then Rilsa woke him up with kisses, made him dress, and gently pushed him out the door with a promise to send a message soon – perhaps tomorrow.

           

            It was impossible to resist his narrow dormitory bed when he returned to it, and as the sun was rising Timu fell asleep with all his clothes on and his head covered by his pillow.  He woke again when the bright sunlight of midmorning falling on his bed began to warm him.  It took a few minutes for him to realize where he was, and what the time must be, but though he knew he was missing his review class in Alliance history, he found it unnecessary to panic.  He would never again be panicked, nervous, tense, worried, or confused after what he had done with Rilsa – nothing could possibly disturb him.

            It had been even more than he’d imagined. And he still wanted her, more than ever – but he was no longer frightened.  He couldn’t even understand why he had ever been afraid. Of course there was her husband – but Rilsa had assured him that Lord Karula had long ago developed the good sense to turn a blind eye to her amusements.  He had married her when she was sixteen, and he was forty, for her beauty, and in hopes that she might provide him with an heir – his first wife had died in the attempt, in the last of several miscarriages. But his efforts with Rilsa were literally fruitless, as well as disappointing in every way, for both of them.  She was barren, and Lord Karula’s real inclinations lay in another direction.  So now he had a pretty and charming wife, an ornament to his household, and she had a wealthy and powerful husband – his estate would go to a nephew, though there would be some provision for Rilsa.  But Timu must see, she had insisted, that in her position she must take care of herself in some measure.  She came from what was called a good family – meaning ancient, noble, and impoverished. Her marriage into an important family – meaning wealthy as well as powerful – would give her security while her husband lived, but after she would need friends as well as her small inheritance.  That was her motivation for helping Timu.  His family had prestige as well as wealth, though by some they were considered dangerous – he was free of that taint, however, and if he rose to prominence in the service, he would be the best sort of friend she could have, when she no longer had her husband.

            All this Rilsa had told him, when they rested, and he remembered it now, as he changed his clothes and tried to make a decision about whether to arrive late to class, or wait for the next one.  So that really was all there was to Rilsa’s politics – self-preservation.  And all there was to love-making, in her view, was amusement.  He had noted that already – she never said she loved him, only wanted him – and he knew quite well that he shared her sentiments.  It was something he’d been taught to disapprove of, but now, somehow, he couldn’t see what was so wrong with it.  They could help each other, they enjoyed each other’s company, they each knew what was expected.  There was no harm in it, only advantage.

            And now, with a post in Paalo’s office, as his personal aide, no less, he could do something useful for Elian.

 

            The days and nights soon fell into a familiar pattern.  The second time he came to Rilsa, she was a little worried that the servants might begin to speculate and talk to their comrades in other households – Lord Karula would not care for gossip, even if he tolerated her behavior in itself.  But she did not want the two of them reduced to hurried trysts in field or forest – that was fine for a fool like Brant, but not adequate for what she had with Timu.  Timu reassured her that he could manage, even if the servants were present, and he told her of his habit of exploring the roofs and battlements of the service complex, the castle, and the palace.  He could come to her through her window, just like in some old ballad, and no one would be the wiser – only she must not keep him too long, so that he would be able to return in total darkness.  His fellow students were accustomed to his habit of staying out at night to sleep in the forest or in his boat in its slip in the harbor, and they were far too stupid to suspect any other arrangement.

            And he had asked her about Brant, and about the others.  She was dismissive.  The first had been when she was just a girl, a young gentleman who was friendly with her brother.  She had imagined she was in love with him, but when the next gentleman approached her, and she had found that she succumbed to him quite easily, she decided that for her, love was impossible. So she went from one to the next, until her marriage to Lord Karula, and some attempt to be a faithful wife and bear him children.  When she realized the pointlessness of that endeavor, she had begun again.  Brant was just the latest, and the occasion in the forest the one and only time – he was not worth the trouble.  Timu mentioned that he’d noticed she would not permit Brant to kiss her.

            “You really did watch us then?  You naughty child –”

            “I did not watch for long.  I found it boring.”

            Rilsa had shaken her head then, and pouted a little.  “Yes, it was,” she had said at last, starting them both laughing.

            They laughed a great deal – or rather Rilsa laughed, and Timu joined her.

            And nearly every night, Timu left the dormitory as soon as the other boys were sleeping, and made his way across the roofs of the castle complex, to the palace, to the courtyard where the terraces of the Karula apartment lay, and went to Rilsa’s open window.

 

            Through the remainder of the summer term Timu continued to study with Aulia, but when he began his work in  Paalo’s office he told her it would no longer be possible: he would be too busy.

            “Could we have just one afternoon a week, to continue with the Telmi language?” she asked him, almost pleading, when he explained the situation to her as they left the library together. “On the weekly holiday – surely there is time for that.”

            “I am tired already,” Timu responded, sounding petulant, he realized.

            “Yes, I noticed that.”  Aulia looked up at him with real concern.  “Maybe you are studying too much.  You are quite quick – I think you could go easier, and still be quite prepared for your comprehensive examinations.”

            Timu didn’t even bother to reassure himself of his mind’s security.  He had taken to keeping most of his thoughts shielded all the time since he had succumbed to Rilsa.  That was rather tiring too, of course.  He could tell what Aulia was thinking easily enough however.  She was feeling guilty for making him too anxious about his studies.  It wasn’t fair to her, and he should do at least the little that she asked – she had done so much for him already.

            “All right – one afternoon a week, for Telmi language.”

            Her smile was really most rewarding.

 

            Two weeks of full employment in Paalo’s office had already passed before Elian communicated with him again.  It was nearly time for the harvest feast at home, and she had returned from her summer with the Telmi, and once she had settled herself at the manse with the notes of her studies, her first thoughts, she told him, were of her little brother.

            “You have completely altered your reputation at school, I am told. And I have heard already that Magus Paalo finds you quite valuable.”

            Timu was at his desk in the dormitory, giving his books a cursory examination in the hour between sunset and adequate darkness for his journey to Rilsa’s bedchamber.  He leaned back in his chair before responding.

            “I do not wish to be immodest – but I doubt that anyone can do the work I do with my facility.  But there are other things that Paalo likes about me.”

            “Such as?”

            “The fact that I am a Maarinen.  He quizzes me, subtly, I am sure he thinks, about you and your intentions.  Already he has brought up the subject of your marriage more than once. Only today he suggested that the king might not permit the match, after all – that  Renhold ought to realize that a prince may not always marry whom he chooses.  He seemed eager for my opinion.”

            “And what did you tell him?”

            “Of course I considered thoughtfully, and then agreed with him.”

            “You are very subtle, Timu.”  He could sense her laughter.  But then he also sensed that she was troubled. 

            “Do you think that there might be some truth in what he said – of King Hendric’s wishes, I mean?” Timu asked her.

            “I think what he said to you shows that he and, of course, the chancellor, are probably hoping to bring about that transformation.  You did answer him well, however – he will soon be quite convinced that your sympathies are not with us, at any rate.”  Now Timu sensed some hesitation in Elian’s thoughts.  “Timu – I have heard some other things of you that I find confusing –”

            Involuntarily Timu checked his mind’s shielding. “What things?”

            “Well – I suppose it is only natural, considering who your patrons are – but there is some talk – some are saying –”

            “That I have become unusually close to Lady Rilsa?” Best to take the offensive, Timu considered. “Elian – I have found that here at school the role of flirt and dandy goes over quite well with both the girls and my own gender – they find it plausible, and I encourage their perceptions.  That and my connection with the Karulas is no doubt the explanation for the rumors you have heard.  As you say, it is only natural.  I think it is remarkably good cover, really.  No one would expect a real Maarinen of being so reckless, and so shallow.” Now he sensed his sister’s relief.  Deception was becoming almost too easy.

            “Well – it sounds as though you have the situation well in hand.  But do be careful – even unfounded rumors may be enough to bring a challenge from a jealous husband.”

            “I gather that Karula is rather careless of such matters – but I will be careful.”

            “And are you coming home for harvest? I ask, because if you do, you must be ready to face a little parental displeasure.”

            “They have heard the rumors too?”

            “I do not think they have heard the worst, but they have heard that you are quite friendly with Magus Paalo.”

            “Well, I fear I will be too busy, actually.  I will miss celebrating harvest with you, though. You must remember to drink a toast to your absent brother.”

            “I will, Timu. And keep me in your thoughts – though under strict security.” There, she was laughing again. As their link closed, Timu sighed in some relief.  At last it was dark, and he could put the books aside, and seek the relief and release he really longed for.

 

 

Well, I sure don't understand about my font size -- I've had comments that is was too small before, and I couldn't understand it, because it all looked normal to me (like this) then tonight when I went to post my latest installment, everything was teeny tiny and I just about flipped.

I just went through all my posts and edited the fonts to a decent size.

I hope this doesn't happen again -- I'll have to write to the blog manager or whatever he's called.

Anyhow -- another thing -- if anyone's reading this stuff, I really want comments -- I'm especially interested to know whether what's going on in "The Seduction" seems emotionally realistic.  I feel it is, but I want to know if it's getting through to anyone else.

Of course the story is turning out much longer than I expected it to be -- that always seems to happen to me -- but I think I can finish it off in another three or so segments.

This is the first major turning point of Timu's life -- when he becomes a spy for his sister -- it sets up his character for the transformation he undergoes when he meets Wythe, in my first completed novel, True Minds (currently in search of an agent and publisher.)

Looking forward to comments (and no more weird stuff with fonts.)